In Buenos Aires, men ask women to dance - in a very special way that I'll describe in a moment. Women never ask men to dance under any circumstances. If you go to a milonga as a couple, you and your partner sit together, sometimes at your own small table, and sometimes sharing a four-seat table with another couple whom you may not know. You and your partner dance exclusively together. It would be considered rude for a single man to ask your partner to dance. It does happen occasionally, but the accepted response to such overtures is to simply ignore the inappropriate supplicant until he goes away.

Single men and women sit at separate tables, usually on opposite sides of the dance floor (so that they can see each other clearly). Both men and women constantly watch people with whom they want to dance, trying to make eye contact. If a man decides that he wants to dance with a woman, he nods his head in her direction. This is known generally as "cabeceo ." If the woman wants to dance with him (and sees his nod), see nods back. (If she does not want to dance with him she averts her eyes, looking away at the moment he nods in her direction.) Once there is a tacit agreement to dance together, both people rise and move toward one another. Alternatively, she may rise and remain in place while he makes the journey across the floor to meet with her.

An agreement to dance is an agreement to remain together for the duration of one "tanda" or group of from three to four songs of a particular type (Tango, Milonga or Vals). At the end of the tanda, the leader escorts his partner back to her seat, and the  ritual of finding another dance partner begins again. If the partnership is less than desirable, a chivalrous leader will generally "tough it out," remaining with his partner until the end of the tanda. On the other hand, if the woman feels that she cannot continue with this partner at the end of the first song (or sometimes even in the middle of the first song!), she can end the partnership abruptly by saying "Thank you," and walking away. To an Argentine man, this is the height of insult, and, once he recovers from this consummate embarrassment, he will almost certainly never dance with that particular woman again. But, of course, that is her intent.

In order to accommodate this highly structured behavior, the music is also structured in tandas; i.e., groups of three or four songs within one category (Tango, Milonga, or Vals ), followed by a brief musical interlude called a "Cortina" (literally curtain). This interlude consists of music from some other genre. It might be swing, jazz, rock, Latin - anything that clearly indicates a place of change in the dance continuum. This cortina, as mentioned above, is where people finish their collaborations, and move on to instigate the ritualistic search for new partners.

In this country, let's say, at the Firehouse, things are quite different. Our dee-jays do indeed tend to adhere to the tanda structure in their music (although in my practica at Dance Manhattan in New York City I do not). However, in our culture both men and women may ask partners to dance - without being considered rude or out of place. Furthermore, they may do so by approaching their prospective partner's table and making a direct request. Yes, women, you can ask him to dance. Times have changed, and so should you. And you don't have to adhere to the tanda structure. If you finish one or two dances, and feel like sitting down, you can make your excuses and end the collaboration without anyone being insulted. In other words, "Thank You" means thank you, not "I never want to dance with you again."

The potential fly in the ointment here is that at some venues in and around our area, people have made an agreement that they're going to imitate the Argentine manner as I described it above. In such cases, it's up to you to learn what the "rules" are, and to try your best to follow them. In this way, you'll avoid embarrassing yourself, and possibly making one of your partners feel insulted.

• Terri Lopez 
• Tony Mele
• Tsipoyra Sartan
  
• steve turi 
• Stephen Maisch
  
• Debbie Glaser
• Jesse Barton
• Mary Epiphan
• Maro
• Elena Syrett
• Nona and Joseph
  

• JJ Krachtus
• George Ngo
• Bill Krukovsky
• Dan & Georgina
• Bob Brillo
• Jean Shedlock
• Enrique Zuniga
• Horatio Piccioni
• Stacy Levy
• Susan Berardini
• Terri Lopez