Hi everybody, Fran here with your Tango Tip of the Week. There’s a 1970 popular song by Stephen Stills, which some of you might remember, called “Love the One You’re With.” The ongoing refrain in that song is: “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” Today, I want to talk about how this sentiment can apply to social Tango.

If you’ve been dancing Tango for a while, you probably have one or two favorite partners you really enjoy dancing with. For social reasons, however, we often find that it’s appropriate — at times even necessary — to dance with a variety of partners rather than exclusively with the same select few people.

Here’s where that Stephen Stills song makes very good sense. The way I’d put it is: “If you can’t always dance with the partner you prefer, do the best you can to make dancing with every other partner as pleasant and comfortable as possible.”

For leaders, this means answering several important questions that relate to the follower in front of you at the moment. Have you danced with her in the past? Do you have a good idea of what her skill level is? Are you able to treat her as a real person — rather than a foil for whatever flashy figure you’ve decided to execute? Are you allowing her to find comfortable balance with every step she takes throughout the dance? (As opposed to relentlessly running her around the floor at a speed and degree of complexity she definitely can’t handle.)

The way to answer questions like these is to pay very careful attention to your follower as you dance. Recognize that she’s a flesh and blood person with good and maybe not so good points to her dancing. Her body language will tell you everything you need to know.

If you’re a follower, you probably know by now that some leaders, whether they’re new to Tango or not, seem to expect their followers to read their minds rather than follow good solid leads. On the other hand, some leaders seem to think of leading as racing around the room, carrying their followers with them like rag dolls. As a follower, your job is to offer your leader the best following skills you can bring to bear, and hope that he tries his best to be as comfortable to dance with as your favorite partners.

Does all this work all the time? Definitely not. But we can really try to make it happen as often as possible. And if we can set our minds to doing the very best we can whenever we’re dancing with someone other than our favorite partner, Stephen Stills would be proud: