Hi everybody, Fran here with your Tango Tip of the Week. Last week, we talked about the way in which men invite women to dance at the milongas in Argentina. It is most often called el cabeceo. If you're not familiar with this technique, go to the Firehouse Tango archives, and read last week's Tango Tip (May 12, 2016) for a full description of how this long-standing traditional way of doing things works.

What I described last week is, in fact, the only acceptable way for a man to ask a woman for a dance in Argentina. Any other invitation (such as approaching her table directly the way we might do in the USA, for example)) would be considered insulting, and you would immediately be rebuffed (at least by a knowledgeable follower).

Although el cabeceo generally functions very effectively in getting two people together on the dance floor, there are times when things don't quite go according to plan. Here are a few of the pitfalls you need to be aware of:

You can't see what's going on across the room

I know, I know, wearing glasses doesn't necessarily create the ideal Mr. Macho appearance at the milonga. But seeing what's going on across a room is crucial to the process of getting a dance! If you need glasses for distance, be absolutely sure to wear them. Otherwise you won't know whom to nod to, and whether or not the woman you've chosen is responding by giving you the nod back that she's ready to dance.

Eyes down means "no thank you"

If you're staring hard at a women, giving her your best cabeceo, but she's not staring back -- in fact, her eyes are down -- it either means she's asleep in her chair (just kidding), or she doesn't want you to approach her. Stare at someone else. You can give her another cabeceo later.

The two-woman dilemma

Occasionally, two women sitting near one another both respond to your cabeceo at the same time. Each one thinks you're giving her the nod, and each nods back at you. As you walk across the room, they both stand in expectation. You choose the woman you've actually been nodding at, and the other is left standing there, no doubt feeling that everyone in the room has witnessed the mix-up. No matter how much you try to apologize to her, she's almost certainly going to feel very unhappy in that moment. Be sure to try giving her the nod for the very next tanda, although, truth to tell, she may never look at you again (sigh).

The two-man dilemma

This situation is exactly the opposite of what I just described. You draw a bead on a woman, using your best cabeceo; she responds; you walk across the room to greet her ... and suddenly she walks right past you directly into the arms of the man who was sitting next to you moments ago. Oops! That's right; he gave her the nod at the same time, and she was actually responding to him rather than to you. There's only one thing you can do right now. Walk past her using your best nonchalant attitude, head for the men's room, refresh yourself, come back with a confident smile, and try, try again.

Disaster!

There are times when a woman may decide right in the middle of a tanda that she just doesn't want to continue dancing with you. It could happen after your first dance together. It might even occur in the middle of a dance. She abruptly stops, says "thank you," and walks off the dance floor. There could be many reasons such a situation might happen. But it doesn't matter. This is considered by Argentine men to be the very worst insult possible at the milonga. There you are, standing in the middle of the dance floor, and everyone has just seen your dance partner abandon you. At times like this, a typical Argentine man would not try to regroup by making a visit to the men's room. Instead, he would almost certainly leave the milonga and go home to lick his wounds while drinking a mate (or something stronger). What you choose to do, of course, is entirely up to you.

Next week, Pat will discuss dance floor issues like these from the follower's point of view. See you then.

The following folks helped set up, break down and clean up before and after the milonga. Without them, there would be no Firehouse Tango.

• Jack Block - Fruit Platter
  
• Eva Roth - Meat Loaf
  
• Ingrid Jacobs - Rhubarb Cake
  

• Barbara Lombardi
  
• Fred Meyer
  
• Carl Schaefer
  
• Walter Milani
  
• Irene Andrews
  
• Mike Casale
  
• Bob Brillo
  
• Jesse & Cathy
  
• Edna Negron
• Eduardo Campos