Hi everyone, Fran here with your Tango Tip of the Week. When a man wants to ask a woman to dance in this country, we have a long-standing tradition in which he approaches his prospective partner directly, and politely asks “May I have this dance?” Alternatively, he might say “Would you care to dance?” If he and his prospective partner are more intimately acquainted, he might make a less formal request such as “Shall we dance?”, or even “Want to do this?”

If things go according to plan in this traditional scenario (the man asks; the woman accepts; the dance ensues), everyone is blissfully happy and satisfied. Well, sort of. The man retains what he feels is his rightful “power” to control his choices as to whom he will ask to dance and whom he won’t. The woman acts out her role of sitting patiently in her seat, not making a fuss, waiting for an invitation, which may (or may not) eventually come to her.

Sigh …

On the other hand, when things don’t go well, the woman might never get asked to dance at all, and may end up deciding to leave the dance venue in frustration, maybe never to return.

Sigh again …

Furthermore, if and when a woman is invited to dance, she might decide (and we now come to what men fear most of all in their deepest heart of hearts) not to accept.

Agh!

In such a case, the man is left standing there, holding his withered pride in both shaking hands, publicly humiliated, with little recourse but to long for instant invisibility, to slink away as unobtrusively as possible — as everyone in the room stares in horror at the utter disgrace of his rejection.

At the same time, the woman who had the effrontery to reject his generous overture will automatically be branded by every other prospective partner in the room as a dangerous, man-hating harpy who henceforth needs to be studiously avoided at all costs. No one else will ask her to dance. She’ll probably end up quitting the scene — along with her never-invited-to-dance friend, and go to a movie, or hole up in her living quarters with a cup of herbal tea (maybe a spot of gin).

Therein, we bear witness to the traditional politesse of the social dance world — perhaps of the entire fabric of civilized society … shattered beyond repair.

Moving beyond this antiquated, tradition-induced cultural avalanche, things have evolved here in the land of the free. In these more enlightened times of increasingly common gender equality, today’s woman has the option of taking the initiative herself, and approaching the man for a dance, rather than posing passively in a “here-I-am-guys-come-and-get-me,” meat-market display case. Many, if not most, younger women today find this “empowering” behavior quite natural. Nowadays, everyone shares the opportunity to bask in the glow of please-choose-me behavioral gymnastics, as well as the ever-present potential for gut-wrenching rejection.

What fun!

Which brings us to the way all this plays out down south in Tango heaven. With next week’s Tango Tip, we’ll explore what happens, when we take a quick hop — well, an eleven-hour, mind-numbing, make-sure-you’ve-got-plenty-to-read plane ride — and find ourselves facing exposure to an entirely different world with a whole new — or very old — set of standard operating procedures. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen; we’ll be heading for Buenos Aires.

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