Hi everyone, Fran here with your Tango Tip of the Week. In our last Tango Tip, we focused on some of ways in which leaders and followers in this country manage to get themselves together for a dance. As we pointed out (with a touch or two of humor), this process can sometimes be problematic for both potential partners — particularly in the context of today’s rapidly evolving cultural conventions.

Moving from our environment to that of Argentina, we see immediately that things are very different in the highly traditional, rigorously prescribed authentic world of Tango. In Buenos Aires, for example, everything about the social dance environment is carefully structured to ensure that the process of initiating the dance encounter is as free of potential embarrassment as possible for both leader and follower.

Let’s see for ourselves what happens at a typical milonga (social dance event) in Buenos Aires. The first thing we notice as we survey the room is that couples are seated together by the event’s host, and that “singles” are strategically situated on alternative sides of the dance floor — men on one side, women on the other. This carefully prescribed placement is designed to ensure that couples dance together, while unaccompanied singles are in plain view of one another in order to facilitate the highly specific process of invitation and acceptance. (If a man and woman enter the milonga as a couple, but have elected to dance with people other than each other, they will inform the host that they wish to be seated as singles rather than together.)

An unaccompanied man and woman make contact at the milonga through an elaborate, extremely formal, well-entrenched ritual known generally as el cabeceo. In sharp contrast with the way we interact in America, a man never approaches a woman directly in Argentina. In fact, if he were to do so, she and her disapproving friends would either ignore him completely, or even angrily berate him for his insulting breach of acceptable behavior. As for a woman approaching a man, such conduct would be absolutely unheard-of in the traditional milongas of Buenos Aires.

When a man wants to dance with a particular woman, he attempts to make eye contact with her by staring at her intently. If the woman wishes to dance with him, she stares back. The man then nods to her as if to say “I would like to dance with you.” This action on his part is what is called el cabeceo, the nodding of the head. At this point, the agreement to dance together has been made, and the man and woman rise to meet on the dance floor.

By tradition, the couple remains together for the duration of what is called a tanda, a continuous group of three to four Tangos, Milongas, or Valses. Once the tanda is finished, a fragment of non-traditional music is played. This is called a cortina, and it signals that the tanda is complete. Now, the man escorts the woman back to her seat, after which he once more initiates the process of seeking out a new partner.

Should a woman not wish to dance with a man who is making eye contact with her, she averts her gaze as he stares in her direction. This is all it takes to indicate to the man that she prefers not to dance with him at this time. No obvious public refusal in necessary; no embarrassment of any kind to either the man or the woman.

Most people in the local Tango communities of Argentina know each other, or have at least seen one another more or less regularly at the milongas. It is, therefore, a matter of course that men will consistently invite their favorite partners to dance on a regular basis. From time to time, they may also decide to take a chance with a woman they might like to get to know as a dance partner. In such cases, a man may “hedge his bets” by offering el cabeceo toward the end of the tanda, perhaps before the beginning of the third or forth dance. This enables him to limit his involvement with that particular woman in the event she proves for one reason or another to be an undesirable partner.

By the same token, women get to choose their own favorite partners in the milongas by means of accepting or refusing invitations offered through el cabeceo. In this way, a woman is able to  “maintain control over her own fate” on the dance floor. Occasionally, of course, a woman may decide to accept the invitation of a man she doesn’t know. If everything goes well during such an interaction, and she enjoys dancing with her new partner, she will probably add him to her mental list of potential favorites. However, if he proves unsuitable — particularly if he is rude or offensive in some way — she may choose to end the interaction in the middle to the tanda. Commonly, the way this is done is for the woman to stop dancing, offer a perfunctory “thank you,” and walk off the floor. This, predictably, is the ultimate insult to her partner. He has been singled out in a very public way as someone undesirable as a dance partner. His only recourse will be to quit the dance floor as quickly as possible, maybe even leave the milonga completely, never to return. This action on the woman’s part is, therefore, an option, which an experienced woman will exercise only under the most uncomfortable of circumstances. However, if it has to be done, it has to be done.

The almost ritualistic practice of cabeceo may seem to outsiders like ourselves a bit too rigid for our taste, since — as described in last week’s Tango Tip — we take a far less formal approach toward asking someone for a dance. However, the tradition remains alive and well in Argentina as the only option for inviting and/or accepting a dance. With this in mind, therefore, if and when you find yourself in the milongas of Buenos Aires, make sure you’ve first become very familiar with how things are done there. That way, your dance interactions will be appropriate, and your visit will go smoothly.

As we say at the Firehouse, vamos a bailer el tango!

• Al & Lilian Ko
  
• Barbara Lombardi
  
• Bob Brillo